No Fear in Love:
Whoa! February went by fast, didn’t it? A lot happened this month for me. At the end of January my caregiver contracted Covid-19 and just now got back on Monday the 22nd. I am so thankful she is back. I missed her. Secondly, I decided that I was open to a relationship after starting a conversation with a man who later turned out to be a disappearing man. That caused me to pause for a moment and realize maybe I can start the process of looking for a friendship with men that are not relatives. Big step for me, because it has been 17 years since I have been in a relationship. I joined Christian Mingle. I am being casual and open about my illness and health. I do not like to pretend to be something that I am not. It is an interesting experience. I am so out of practice and sometimes I do not know how to respond to some of the messages that I get. I am learning and thankfully I have a group of trusted individuals who are helping me through this new journey.
I have been focusing on the scripture 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love”. Fear has stopped me for 17 years of putting myself out there and allowing men into my life. The only men in my life are relatives. I am being cautious, I am being safe, but I am also being open. Fear has stopped me in a lot of ways. One way fear has stopped me is with my movement routine. If you have been a long time reader of my blog then you know that I have idiopathic subglottic stenosis also known as tracheal stenosis. I am still fearful, but I am choosing to move anyway.
I started a movement routine that works for me. I am doing five minutes on my balance ball and I am using a small core ball to do arm lifts while sitting on my ball. I am only able to do five minutes. I am doing this every day. It feels good to make that decision and to follow through on it.
I met my lung specialist this month too. She has prescribed me doing a nebulizer treatment twice a day because my lungs are full of mucus plugs. She is also trying to help me to get the shaker vest so I can have more help getting them out. I was not thrilled with this, but my fighter spirit is still strong. I am overwhelmed with all the medical treatments I must do to maintain my health. I change my trach tube daily. I do not have an inner cannula, so I must take my trach out and put my second one in and then clean my stoma and then set myself up for the next trach change. I also must wear a large volume nebulizer at night while I am sleeping. It is wet and I wake up feeling like I drooled over myself and I did not. If I do not do this then my mucus is thick like glue and I cannot cough it out. Not fun at all. I received my new treatment and the machine on Thursday. I am noticing so far that I am not coughing as much and not spitting like a llama as much either. I like it. It gives me hope.
In what way has fear stopped you from reaching your goals? I am interested in your story.
I hope you will be as well as possible. Keep on breathing!
Please wait...