Covid-19 and My Peace

“Be so rooted in your being that nobody’s absence or presence can disturb your inner peace.” (Unknown Author)

January is almost complete. Can you believe it? One week left. This month I chose to focus on peace one of the fruits of the spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. If I am honest, I failed with maintaining peace. I allowed a couple of posts get under my skin and I even responded to one or two of them. I also failed at my first month with my focus word of intentional too. I aim to do better. That is all I can do. I am not going to beat myself up over booboos. I can still be intentional with finding peace in my heart and soul and with the connections I make around me. I am made to be at peace, so are you. It is hard to remember that when boulders fly at you and you are having to duck. If you live with a chronic condition you know this well. We must be as well as possible and find the little peaceful moments during the giant chaos that forms around us. It is not easy, but it is impossible.

I am going to speak on being intentional now. I struggled with this in January. I received two messages about two family members who essential died because they did not take care of themselves. It brought home the message what I aim to fight against. That I want better than what I was born with. I was born into a family that focused on addictions whether sex, drugs, alcohol, and they abused each other and those who were different than them. From a young age I wanted more. I wanted better. I knew better was possible. God instilled this in my heart and soul. That is what I have been fighting for my entire life. Yet, I have not given it my full-on attention and focus. Just a part because I have this one thought. “What if I am wrong?” “What if there is not anything more than what I have right now?” Recently, my fears focused on breathing. I know what it feels like to not be able to breathe.

I wrote the above before I found out my caregiver has Covid-19. I am happy to say that so far, I am not exhibiting any symptoms. I was last exposed to her on Wednesday, January 20^th. That is five days, so I am hoping that I do not have it. Right now, it is 3 in the morning and I am struggling to sleep because I have so much on my mind. I am angry. I am angry that there are not options for those of who are housebound to get Covid testing done, we must essentially cause someone else to be exposed to COVID-19 in order to get to a testing site. That just does not make any type of sense to me. Another thing I am frustrated by is since I have been exposed my caregiving services have stopped. I will admit I lost my temper. That means if I go by all the quarantining from CDC, if I get the test then I will be without a caregiver for one month. If I have it then I will be without help for two months. I understand that no one wants to be exposed or to get sick. I did not want it to happen but life happens. At this moment I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I have made a call to my doctor and I know what to watch for. With my breathing issues I already have most of the Covid-19 symptoms, hard time breathing, bad cough, and chest pain. That is my every day normal. I am to watch for a fever and diarrhea. Thankfully, so far, I have none of those.

I hate complaining without coming up with a solution or idea in how to tackle the problem. Here is my thought and I might write my Congress Woman or man and suggest it. Why can they not provide those who are homebound a mail in covid-19 test, because when you go get tested in the drive-thru you must swab yourself in the mouth, so why could that not be done at home for those of us who cannot go to them. Can this be an option for the future? We do this with DNA testing so why not Covid-19? I am thankful that my brother Rob sent me a text last night asking questions about where to get tested and so forth. He is working on a way for me to get it done. I did not want this because he and my sister take care of my 89 year old mother and I do not want to be responsible for getting her sick and possibly killing her. I am left with no choice in the matter.

My peace filling month has ended with a stressful situation testing my peaceful spirit and trust in God. I am choosing to still in peace, knowing that God will provide what I need even if I do not like the options I am left with. If you think of it please pray for me as I walk the path of Covid-19.

Keep breathing!