The last couple of months I have been struggling with what’s the point of dealing day in and day out with my illness, with my trach tube, with going towards bariatric surgery, and I have felt disappointment and overwhelmed by all that these three words encompass. It has been ten years since I started this fight for my life. The fight to breathe, the fight to lose weight while dealing with a rare airway disease, the fight to move my body in the way that I used to be able to. It’s frustrating. Frustrating is too light of a word to how I feel about it. With the help of my counselor I came to the conclusion that I needed a break. I took one week off, where I did nothing but play word games. Yes, I know I’m a word nerd. With the break, and with several people both people I know and people I don’t know that I’m here to be an example. An example of facing suffering with grace and dignity. Not giving up, fighting for myself, and most of all still being thankful and joyful in my daily life. It isn’t easy. Believe me. I struggle daily, every minute in fact. I have to make a small choice daily. Sometimes I can’t make the choice and that is when I choose to not inflict my bad mood on others. I hang out with myself and my cat.
With that being said, with my break I realized that I needed to rethink and set new goals because my previous goals are not serving me well and things have changed. Last Thursday I went to a conference where we talked about wellness goals and that is when the epiphany happened. I needed to set new wellness goals for myself again. My caregiver whom I set my previous wellness goals with and who has helped me so much has gone on to help her parents and I needed to rethink, reevaluate, and reset my goals again. Life changes, circumstances that were once true are no longer true and I think that is when I must set new goals and evaluate my old ones. That is my next quest.
Until next time, remember to keep on breathing!
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