Sharing My Spoons

I have been reading the blog “A New Kind of Normal” for about a year now. I found it while I was doing some research on other bloggers with chronic conditions. Now she is starting up a new monthly support for us bloggers with Chronic conditions called “Sharing Our Spoons”. The premise is to share 5 things that we want to accomplish in a month. These include something physical, something mental/emotional, something spiritual, something fun, and a bonus. Like me she believes in setting goals for the whole person, not just one things that bothers us. Of course, that signaled to my heart that I needed to participate.

I feel attracted to doing this monthly, because I have been struggling this year. Struggling with my emotions, my physical, spiritual, and just being a whole person again. Although, I don’t remember ever being whole. Perhaps I will share my full journey one of these days when I get brave enough to talk about the realm of my life. That will be another blog post. I sat down with my journal and I meditated on what it is I want to accomplish this month. This month I turn 42 years old. My birth mom died when she was 46 and I was 13 years old. She was way too young. She didn’t take care of herself at all. She allowed the emotional woes of the world to stop her from achieving, pursuing her dreams and goals. She was angry, abusive to others, and deeply wounded. I do not want to be like her. I love her, but I also do not want to inflict the abusive things she did to me or my sister or other family members onto anyone. Since I don’t want to be like my mom that means I have to pursue different ways of being. I have asked God to guide me on my journey with my illness. I know I come across as calm, collective, and having a great attitude. Let me tell you by the time I share something on Facebook or talk to someone about it I work through my anger, sadness, and despair through my journaling and praying to God about it. It’s not easy being a spoonies. It’s a road paved with pain, heartache, and adjustments that I am forced to make. In other words, it sucks.

I’m changing the subject now, because I want to dive deeper into that period of my life at another time. This post is about finding the spoons to get my goals done. To get up, not give up, and while my anthem song “It’s not over yet” is playing in my head pursue my goals. It is time to follow through and live a life that God created me to have. It’s going to be a lot of hard work and it is even going to hurt a bit. That is part of a warriors journey through a war, isn’t it?

Here are my goals this month:

1. Physical: Moving my body is important to me. I’ve been immobile for far too long since my tracheal stenosis began. I’m frustrated by it. Since I felt like it didn’t help me I stopped doing any form of strength training that I was given by physical trainers in the past. My goal, until June 2 when I see my physiatrist is to do 2 15 minute exercise strength training exercises 4-7 days a week.
2. Mental/Emotional: I have been researching breathing exercises. They are supposed to relax and calm your mind and work the lungs. Although, my issues with breathing are not because of my lungs I still want to have a practice to do deep breathing. Daily, spending 5 minutes 2 a day and breathe deeply.
3. Spiritual: I have not been spending time with God with daily reading of His word. I want to get my practice of reading one chapter before I begin my day. I feel connected and more at peace when I do this. I don’t feel disconnected and grumpiness is at bay when I do spend time with my Savior. Before my caregiver comes at 9 AM upon waking up I will start my day with 1 chapter. Currently I am in 1 Corinthians.
4. Something fun: On May 10^th, my sister and I will be seeing Hillsong United and Lauren Daigle at the Moda Center in Portland Oregon. I’m excited. It’s a big outing for me. It’s going to be fun to hang with my sister outside of doctor appointments and me being sick all the time. I love HIllsong and I checked out Lauren Daigle and she is awesome too.
5. BONUS: For the last few years my eating habits have been treacherous. I typically make one thing and eat it. It’s not a complete meal. I don’t think about my servings, I just put it in a bowl and eat it. Not a good way to eat. My caregiver has the cookbook “The Daniel Plan Cookbook” that she let me flip through after I asked her to help me be more mindful of what I am making as a meal. She said yes. She has written down some great recipes on index cards for me. I have been getting the Eating Well magazine for a bit so I have written a couple of those recipes down on index cards too. I have a photo album that says Breathe on it that my sister gave me as a gift a long time ago. I have chosen to put the recipes in this photo album to make it easier for me to follow the instructions. I will be picking out 4 recipes, one a week to prepare that way I am eating well for my body.

I will be achieving these goals this month. My fellow spoonies here is the link to A new Kind of Normal why don’t you join us? It isn’t too late to pick 5 goals and get it done.