Be Still

I have to admit something. I’m struggling with peace, especially concerning my health. The beginning of 2016 began with frustration, irritation, sickness, changes, and wondering what is possible for me. I’m frustrated and irritated because I still have not heard back from my ENT about any decision or the research he was doing so we can make a choice about laser surgery or resectioning surgery. It’s been a month. I have called one or two a week for these last four weeks. Yes, I understand the Christmas holiday was upon us. Then the first week in January he had a Kidney stone, but shouldn’t he be caught up by now, that was three weeks ago.

Then last week my caregiver, who has been the best caregiver I have had in the three I have hired told me she is starting nursing school in April and needs to stop working for me. I get that. I’m excited for her, because she has worked so hard to achieve this dream She has graciously agreed to help me find someone who is just as good as her and even periodically do spot checks to make sure they are doing their job for me. I appreciate that. I have a hard time with letting people go even though they are not doing their job.

I read this scripture: John 14:24 peace I leave with you; my own peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.

I am praying for peace as I wait for the answers and do my own search for the right person to work with me.

Here are my tips for keeping your sanity while you are waiting.

1. Grab your journal, write what you are feeling, what you know, just write. I find journaling helps me put things into perspective. It’s a way for me to speak my mind and not annoy those in my life with my hyperbole. I know for me, I get a tangle web of thoughts, emotions that I just don’t want to share with the world. In my journal I can get it out and free myself.
2.  I find getting outside of my head helps me handle my anxiety about waiting better. I also will be reading a Faye Kellerman mystery novel this weekend. Story, not my own story help me put things into better perspective.
3. My sister gave me a gift of a complete box of color pencils. I now have a wide range of colors to choose from as I color. I already colored an angel from one of my coloring books. Coloring soothes my soul. I feel relaxed. I don’t think, I don’t feel, I just go into a meditative and prayer mode as I choose a color and fill in the blank page. I feel centered afterwards. If you have not tried coloring I suggest you do. I use coloring as a tool for talking to God. It opens me up.
4. Tonight, before I started writing this. I listened to some music. You will never run away by Rend Collective, Air I breathe, Matt Kearney, Casting my cares, Finding Favour, Through all of it, colton Dixon, the maker by Chris august, who I am by Blanca, my story by big daddy weave.