The Mind Connection

The Mind Connection by Joyce Meyer. I needed a powerful book to read while I am in recovery mode from my latest surgery. The real battle in life whether it is coming from Satan or even just our own bad habits of thinking it truly does affect our lives greatly. I’m realizing this as I am sitting and in recovery mode, yet again. I hate the process off healing. It is lonely. It is awkward. It makes me feel like a big pile of bones.

I have read Joyce’s other book “The Battlefield of the Mind” at yet another adventure of healing from the same type of surgery. This latest throat surgery was my 100^th since 2009. The reason I have to keep getting it done is that I can keep on breathing and living a life that God has created for me. That being sad, I am not happy about having it done. I feel completely lazy since I am not able to walk to the lobby in order to use the internet. I have a hard time walking to the kitchen just to get something to eat or to drink. I have to be mindful of the small steps I have to take while at the same time watching my heart rate and my oxygen level. What made it more challenging this time is the fact that my pulse ox meter is not working. It won’t even register that I have stuck my finger into the device in order to read my oxygen and heart rate. Talk about wanting to scream at the top of my lungs. I can’t scream, because my voice is hoarse from the Bronchoscopy and the larnyxscopy procedure that I had done on the 9^th. This all sounds like I am complaining, and I am not complaining or whining. I’m just simply stating that right now in my life it is not easy. The healing process is not easy. I have to purposefully rest. I have to with purpose ask and accept help from my two caregivers, family, neighbors and friends in order to function right now.

I am an abuse survivor and the fact that I can ask for help and trust God and those he has purposefully placed in my life to take care of me is a huge miracle. I am thankful. I am amazed. I hurt, but at the same time I can see the positives. I have good health insurance. I have two amazing caregivers one of them is my nephew and the other I had to interview for in order for her to get the job. And the fact, that I have a set of amazing doctors who want to help me heal and be the best that I can be with what I have truly makes me realize that if I had made the choice at the beginning of this whole health adventure. I would have been grumpy, I would have been dead, literally. I also would have pushed my family and friends and neighbors away. Who wants to work for someone who is constantly negative in their life? I know I don’t. I am only able to be in this great place in my mind because God has showed me in scripture where in order to move through the valley of death, you have to watch the steps and walk in the light with his hand on yours guiding you to where you need to go. It isn’t easy. And sometimes you have to follow Jesus when it doesn’t make sense, when it hurts physically, emotionally, and spiritually and when those in your life think you are crazy.

At this moment in my life, I am tired. I don’t want to be happy and smiley. I certainly do not want to give up my exercise routine and have the things that I have been preparing for to disappear. And I hate going backwards by using my wheel chair just to wheel down to the lobby of my apartment in order to use the internet. For now, that is how it has to be. But I do know that for these 8 weeks I am healing from the surgery. It is time to sit back, allow God to provide for me while I am healing and take a time out and spend it with him and even start writing and concentrating on walking the steps of a woman who choses life over death. What do you choose?