Recently, I have been listening to happy and inspirational music. I need it for my soul. I need it to motivate me to keep moving. July has been a rollercoaster month for me.

In July, I learned the results of my lung function test that I had done in June. My throat will never get better. I will always sound and breathe funny while I am moving my body. I’m going to have to keep my throat and my breathing in the back of my mind while doing things. I felt so defeated when I learned the news. Especially the news that I trap air in my lungs. That means my lungs are always inflated.   Knowing this, allows me to say with confidence that I cannot approach exercise the way normal healthy lunged people do. I cannot approach exercise the way COPD or Asthma patients do either. This is new. That means once again I am an experiment. It also means I have to give up the idea of having a trainer in my life to help me stay motivated in moving. That means I am only counting on myself. This feels so lonely to me. I had to grieve. I can say with certainty that my anger is gone. I’m ready to face it head on and do some extremely hard work. Am I happy about it? No. I’m jealous and envious of those who don’t have to think about their breathing or sound like moose’s walking to the bathroom. That being said…

It’s the end of July, I had some goals for July. I believe I accomplished a few of them. I’m happy to say.

• See a nutritionist in July: I saw Denise on the 14^th. She told me right away that I knew everything about what I need to do. She is right. I do. I am going back to my basics. I have lowered my blood sugars in two weeks and I stopped taking Liptor which caused my blood sugars to rise. Despite the fight I had with my doctor about it.
• Make a peak flow chart for my breathing results, a graph so to speak: My nephew helped me to do this. It was a challenge to do. Since I do not remember doing charts when I was in high school. I had to quit college because of my breathing issue. I have my chart now. So it is done and it is awesome to see the results in picture form.
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• Write down what I am eating: I have done this, along with my blood sugars. I also restarted myfitnesspal again.
• Write chapter one of my book: I’m rewriting my book. I took the advice of one of my favorite writers and I made a chart with a focus sentence for the book I want to write. It has helped me a lot. I wrote the introduction and now I am in the middle of chapter one.
• Find another devotional. I am currently reading the Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst. I’m loving it.
• Buy swim suit: I did that. I also decided that I will start aqua yoga for my first class. I’m not letting my throat stop me.
• Take wheel chair out walking: I have done this. I’ve done it with Jesse and Kelly, my two caregivers. I’ve enjoyed the outing.

I’m still thinking about what I want to accomplish for August. I will post about my August goals later on. Here is a great song that I’ve been enjoying lately. From King and Country: Fine, Fine Life.