If you haven’t guessed by the title of my post. I am on mega dosages of steroids right now. To say that I am feeling a bit like a rollercoaster ride gone haywire is an understatement. I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Not a good feeling at all. My only saving grace is my knowledge of what big dosages of prednisone does and my Nicholas. Nicholas is patiently and with lovingly watchful eyes and exhibiting calmness next to me while I am typing this on my bed. He is lying on his pink Hello Kitty blanket in his chicken laying an egg pose. You know the look someone gives you when they just adore and love you. That is exactly how he is looking at me right now. It calms my heart. It reminds me of what I have gone through and probably will for a long time.
Steroids somehow hijack the brain and cause it to think it is all powerful and can do anything. I felt this way the first day that I took the 60 MG dosage after getting home from the hospital. That feeling lasted for a day. I knew it would. I’ve gone through this rollercoaster more than once. I’m aware. Awareness seems to be the key.
I sometimes get tired of being aware of all my health issues. The fact that my throat is a child size and that I can’t just use any old trach or breathing tube. I have to have a special one. It is enough to drive me bat shit crazy. Yes, bat shit crazy is my new key term. I know it probably doesn’t sound God like, but to be honest it is the only statement that rings true. For some reason it gets giggles. It shouldn’t.
My only saving grace is the knowledge that when I start the tapering process, tomorrow. I will be back to my normal self again. I won’t feel like a yo-yo on a very short string, hitting everything in sight as it is going down. This is how I am feeling right now. Sometimes in life, you just have to admit that you are going bat shit crazy and just laugh and fly like you own it. Right?
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