March has been a far better month for me than February was. Talking to my girlfriends and after realizing that February triggers an emotional response in me. One of my friends suggested that the third week in February we have a girlfriends weekend. We can travel someplace or even just get together for the weekend. That way I am reminded of the joyful relationships that I do have. I am still struggling with surrendering to God and trusting him. I have my fears of disappointment as I am facing a new journey with getting a new trach and starting the weaning off process. I wasn’t supposed to start in February, but the past disappointments of getting rid of my trach and it not being able to happen. Has stopped me from placing too much excitement into the possibly of being without my trach. I want it. I am hopeful at the possibilities. At the same time I realize it could not happen. Let me just say it has been a roller coaster ride of emotional highs and lows. I finally sent in my prescription for the size 4 cuffless trach. It is here waiting for me in the manager’s office. I just have to go pick it up and make an appointment to see my ENT. Then of course go through the process. I’m scared. I’m hopeful that it will happen, but I am also keeping my heart safe at the thoughts of it not happening this time. I will keep you all posted as it progress’.

On a happier note, I’ve been happy that I have accomplished 4 recipes out of the five that I wanted to this month out of the cookbook that one of my sisters gave me for Christmas. I have enjoyed the process. What I have enjoyed the most was the feeling of connection when I am sitting at my dining room table with someone and eating. Somehow eating at the table with someone who you can see in their facial expressions and eyes that they are enjoying the same food that you are brings a sense of peace and happiness to my heart. I’ve enjoyed the process of cooking with my nephew/caregiver and then sitting and enjoying a meal. We talk about the flavors of the food, we talk about what is going in each other’s lives. I miss that. When I was living with my adopted family we ate at the dining room table every night. I miss doing this. Eating connects people together. I noticed that this week as I ate at the table with one of my sisters, my nephew/caregiver, and two of my dear sweet friends. Different food, but the pure enjoyment out of trying a new type of food or recipe brings a sense of peacefulness to all the people at the table even if they don’t like to cook. I want more of that in my life. Taking the time to savor the people and the food helps me digest my food and eat healthier and make better choices. Instead of eating watching TV or eating alone which is what I normally do. This is better. Do you take the time to savor the people and food while sitting at the table? These are just some of my thoughts this week as I am taking one step at a time towards better relationships with God, myself, and my connections. Thanks for reading.