Change has been an intricate part of my life. Change reared its ugly head when I was 13 and my mother passed away and I was left without a mother, a home, and embarking on a new journey. The journey was living with my sister and her family. I lasted there for 6 months and then changed shattered my sense of normalcy with another move and a new family dynamic that was opposite to what I was used to. Change is everywhere. No matter change knocks you down and a new life path evolves from the change.

I am thinking about change for two reasons. Recently I was talking to someone I know and have known for my entire who absolutely hates change. In fact, they freak out and their anxiety levels rise if plans change. This bothers me deeply, because change can be a starting point. When something fails, what an opportunity to try something different and embark on a life changing event that can live you feeling so much joy and appreciation for life. I am finding I do empathize with those who are afraid of change, but I have chosen to look at change in a whole new perspective.

December 2011 I feel was the biggest change I have ever experienced. That is when I was introduced to living with a tracheotomy.  I had to learn new skills. A new way to breathe and live in order for me to live a life and I have to admit that it challenged my emotions. I felt a bit of anxiety the first time I took my trach out and had to put it in. Thankfully, I was in my ENT’s office, because I wanted him to be there the first time so I knew what I was doing. The biggest change was in my appearance. I had a new body part so to speak, a metal pole that stuck out of my throat and a new voice that sounded like Darth Vader. I missed my old voice and I know many others did too. I had to find new things to be thankful for in order for me to keep my positive attitude so I wasn’t breaking down all the time in tears. I did a couple of times, having a trach is an emotional experience. I am sure many others who have trachs would say the same thing.  Living with a trach is an emotional roller coaster ride, with assumptions people make about you to taking the darn thing out and being afraid the stoma will close up before you can put the sucker back in again. I have experienced the pain that comes with the stretching that happens when the stoma closes up before you can get the trach back in and guess what I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone ever.

The point I want to make is change is not something you should be afraid of. Take it from a woman who had to rip out the T-tube out of her throat just to save her life. Change can save your life. The catastrophic events that cause change to happen can alter, but maybe the new angles will give you a new sense of peace and calm that you never experienced before. I have made peace with my trach and though I am excited at the possibility of living without it. I am also thankful for what it did for me. I was able to breathe and therefore live a life. I was able to make new friends and embark on a new mission in my life that I would never have thought I would ever consider doing. That is something amazing.

Change is amazing.