This week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have been eating a lot more than I usual do. I have not been doing the myfitnesspal, I know, I haven’t cared what I have been putting in my mouth because I am so frustrated and flustered with all the new information I am accumulating about my relationships that I hold sacred. As you have read in my previous posts, I am still clearing out the garbage. I am still finding my voice in dealing affectively with those in my life. I love my family, but sometimes a boundary needs to be put in place.
First, I am working through all the emotional baggage of my childhood with my birth family. I finally finished writing the letter for my sister detailing my boundaries and why I am feeling the way I am. I am now in the editing process. I had a friend read it to make sure it wasn’t judgmental or even attacking towards my sister because that is not what I want. What I want is for her to get the help that she needs, but I also know that I cannot be the one to tell her or even force her to do so. All I can do is suggest and share my own story, and not allow the negative abuses towards me continue. Writing my letter, setting my boundaries has been therapeutic. I am releasing a huge chunk of myself that has been off limits for a long. I realize I have needed to do this a long time ago. I know this is having dire effects on my health, during this process my big toe nail fell completely off. Then my stoma started getting the infection back, and let me tell you it hurts. I have my doctor appointment set for July 22nd for my Otolaryngolist here in Vancouver.
Another thing I am learning in this whole process of cleaning out my emotional baggage and environment is doing self-care. What is self-care? To me self-care means taking loving care of myself when stressful situations happen or even when they don’t happen. Take the time to read, write, eat nutritious food, snuggle with my Nicholas (Nicholas knows I am off kilter, he is constantly trying to be near me and watch over me as I have been facing my emotional challenges). I am working on doing more self-care. Yesterday when I did my weekly grocery shopping I bought a ton of vegetables and some Weight Watchers chicken patties and tenders. I made wise choices at the grocery store when it came to the food I have at home for me to eat. I am still working on my physical home. I still have a couple of things I do need help with. One is getting my old yucky couch to the dump and then finding a cute replacement, either a loveseat or two chairs. My environment is becoming more me, more calm and peaceful. I love the fact that I am choosing what I want on my walls and where. I got rid of a lot of wall clutter because one I didn’t get to choose, it was someone else’s personality. But I do have a few pieces that I adore and that are more inclined to who I am. Thankfully, I didn’t have a lot of clutter to get rid of, because once you have lived in a hoarder’s house, I didn’t want to go back to that scenario… So I will admit that I didn’t meet any of my goals that I set. I didn’t move much and I have been eating a lot more than I should. I can do better this week…
My goals this week are:
Eat more vegetables
Eat only 3 meals and 2 snacks a day
Drink more water
Get the code for the gym areas of my apartment and start working out on the bicycle or treadmill.
Keep journaling, keep on facing the emotional and physical clutter in my life so I can have my kind of environment.
What are your goals this week?
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