No Fear In Love

“There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection).  We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

This verse hit me like a two ton brick in the chest. Fear, though I don’t let my fears be known. I have them. I am afraid of facing another surgery, I am afraid that my stoma will close up and I can’t get my trach in when I take it out so I can clean it, and I have fear of establishing a healthy relationship with those in my life.

I have experienced the pure love of God in the people in my life and I meet, in the ways I have been delivered from many of the challenges that face my health and still a small piece of fear lingers. I wish I could surrender my fear to God and live my life in a flexible way and in love. Often times that is not the case and I find myself in fear. Surrendering to me means giving up, but is that the true meaning of the word surrender?

Surrendering is a difficult thing for me to do. Letting things go, moving on, allowing God to do what He wants to do. I am still in the process of surrendering. I have surrendered my health (my Vasculitis/Auto-immune disease), my relationships with my nephew and niece in law, my past relationship with an ex-friend, and most importantly every single medical team member I have and even the team members who are not medical such as my family and friends. Even though I have consciously done this there are moments when fear enters my brain. Yanking at my lobes saying “you are nuts”, “You can’t rely on anyone but yourself,” and “you are just going to die anyway so why are you bothering.” I know these fears and thoughts are not truth.

What ways do I conquer these fears?

1)  I always talk about them. I am transparent to myself, my close friends, and family members. Heck I even share them on my blog and Facebook page. Fear loves hiding in the dark. When one hides their fears it is the best way it can start digging and going deeper in your mind. If you allow light and God to come into your mind then the fears can be fought.

2)  I always ask myself if this is the truth when a fearful thought comes into my mind. An example of this is every time I go into surgery I have a fear of having another disastrous surgical complication. The truth is it has happened twice before and since I am allergic to the drugs they use to put me to sleep I am prone to having larynx spasms. My surgical team and doctors know this. They have a plan in place and also I have my trach to help keep me from having a spasm. Yet, the fear still lingers. What I do is I allow myself to acknowledge this fear, and then I tell my family and friends I have this fear and even my doctors. Then I surrender it to God. It is not an easy thing to do, but I know that is the healthy thing to do.

In what ways do you allow fear to enter your life? What tools do you use to fight the fear and surrender things to God?