It has been 7 years of Father’s days since I have been able to celebrate the day with him. He has been gone for 8 years now. I miss him a lot. I often times wonder what he would have thought of all of his children and where they are all at in their lives. I wonder how he would tell me to handle my disease and all the obstacles I have endured these last 4 years. I often times take into account how he fought his cancer. Straight ahead, he faced the beast; he endured brain surgery and the fear of not being able to read or understand what he is reading, a colostomy bag, and his own stoma but not in the throat like me and many other medical adventures. The greatest lesson I learned from my dad was how he valued relationships towards the end. He wanted all of his kids and his wife to know we meant something to him and that he loved all of us. He was not perfect; he made mistakes like any parent does. Unfortunately having kids doesn’t come with a manual like the DVD player or IPod does. Especially one with an extensive history like I had when I first came to live with him and my mom, you see Richard was not my birth father. He chose to become a parent to a 13 year old rebellious teenager with a blunt mind who contracted how he viewed things. I moved fast through the decision process, while he moved slow, he needed to process through things faster than I did. I know I drove him bonkers at times with how I viewed and the choices I made, but he loved me anyway.
I wish I could talk to him now. I wish I could ask him how he made the choice to gracefully endure the pain, the rejections, and decide that relationship was so much more important than anything else this world has to offer. How did he love us all anyway when we disappointed him? How did he feel and keep on loving us all even when we went on with our lives in ways that he didn’t fully understand?
Every time I see an older many wearing shorts with long socks and sandals I think of my dad. Happy father’s day Richard and I hope that you realize that all your children love you and respect you and remember you fondly in our hearts. That you did a great job as a provider to our mom and I love you…
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