Day 22: I Can’t Live Without!

10 things I couldn’t live without:

1. Family: Even though some of them drive me crazy. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I value and love each one of them for different reasons. Despite the communication issues, the forgetfulness, and things that happen without explanations each one of them brings their own type of support into my life and helps me face my disease differently.
2. Friends: I feel the same way towards my friends that I do towards my family. I love and value them even though we have each had our own obstacles, thoughts, opinions, and whacky personalities we are each supportive of each other.
3. My cat: I never thought I would say this about my cat, but he brings me a sense of joy. I enjoy watching him whack around and do acrobatic jumps while playing with his toys. I enjoy seeing his sense of wonder as he watches the birds, bees, people, dogs, cats, and squirrels out of the living room window and sliding glass door.
4. My laptop: I love my new Samsung laptop. It has all the gadgets I need in order to keep up on my blog. I love having Microsoft office. I know this will aide me when I go back to school and I will be making that phone call Monday morning. It is time to get my butt in gear and get my degree.
5. My camera: I have always enjoyed taking pictures. I love my cannon digital camera and my tripod. I have not used my tripod yet, but I know I will.
6. My journal:  I use my journal to get out my feelings to help keep me unblocked so I can face my challenges. I have worked through many things lately and writing it out helps me.
7. Movies: I have been watching the Golden Girls or other types of comedies in order to help inspire me to fight on. Nothing like watching someone else’s story to inspire and keep me moving forward.
8. My pink comfortable pajamas: When I am having a bad day I know I can take a hot bath and slip into them and snuggle in with my cat on my bed watch a movie or even read a book and I know all is well in the world.
9. Basil oil and Peppermint oil: I love the smell of them. Well, when I used to be able to smell but now that I have a trach I can only smell things that are putrid. Which depresses me, but I am learning to use my memory. I have always loved the smell of basil and peppermint. These two oils help with inflammation. I put a few drops of each into my hot bath and soak in the tub while I read.
10. Books: I enjoy reading. I especially love reading books that have anything to do with psychology, health, nutrition, and other types of non-fiction books. Thanks to one of my sisters I joined Netgally which is a great website that you can download books for free and read and give a review. I started this in February and I have read 33 books so far. It inspires me, it helps me to be clear and mindful of what it is to be ill and I even use some of the books to review for my blog.

Before my illness I didn’t fully appreciate the value of my family and friends. I gave my energy away in a couple of unhealthy relationships, but now that I have been ill, I see the value in myself and therefore in the people I have in my life. Yes, I have my down days, such as this week. I am in full blown inflammation mode it is time for my Rituximab treatment. I have also failed in following through in a couple of areas in my life because of the doubting monsters in my head. I have my desire. I have my wants, but when it comes to putting those goals into actions I flounder. I start them, but then I get to a point where I just want to say screw this. It is too hard, too much work and the best one is no matter what I do or how much I do these exercises I will not be getting any better so why bother. Forgiving me for my failing ways is the first step in changing them.