Fighting On

I ordered a four pack of notebooks because with my new regiment I have to keep an exercise log. I found these gorgeous notebooks on Amazon.com. Having something pretty to write in will encourage me to keep up with my new way of doing things.

Tuesday I did two of the new exercises they gave me to do at home. I felt so ridiculous doing them. Here are some of the names of the Armercise exercises” Go fish, climb the ladder, air traffic control, hula, rock the baby, apple picker, wash the floor, wax on, wax off. Don’t they just make you want to know more about them?

Me neither, I feel like I look so dumb doing these movements. I do enjoy the stretching exercises they gave me. I like pushing against the wall extending my legs back. It stretches my calves and that feels so good. The shoulder ones they have me do feels so good on my back and shoulders. These I do not feel ridiculous doing. Every movement I make makes my life more enjoyable, but I will not be doing these in public where people can see me. I also have to consider that I am in a class that is predominately occupied by old people. The three other ladies in my class are around my mom’s age. Maybe a bit younger, at least in there sixties, heck I am 38 years old and I feel like a ninety year old most of the time. There is a lot of shame factor in realizing that my body is failing. When I watch other people my age move quickly, breathing, moving, and doing what they want without any adverse side effects. I have to admit I am jealous.

It has been at least 3 years since I have been able to do anything remotely close to what they seem to be accomplishing. I don’t wish them harm, don’t get me wrong. I just wish I had the ability to move quickly without having to do old people exercises. I wish I could do Greg Price’s Gut Buster’s class or just walk on the treadmill for thirty minutes or even run on the sucker. I can’t. That sucks. It makes my heart ache.

My exercise goals I want to be able to do after my pulmonary rehab class is to be able to jump on my trampoline, go for a walk out in the sun, and to swim. I am better than I once was. The combination of medications I take to keep me healthy is balancing me out. Now that my survival instinct is waning I am going forward with my other goals in my life. Such as moving and breathing at the same time and of course writing and doing Living Ministries stuff and just being me.

So don’t think oh Jamie keep your chin up, because I am keeping my chin up and I am fighting on, but sometimes this girl needs to bitch and this is one of those times. And if you think I am prejudice against the older generation. You would be wrong. I have the utmost respect. These three women have been through a lot and are just as stubborn as I am. I hope I am just as feisty, vivacious, determined, and ready for changes as they are and do it with a big smile on my face and a kind encouraging word to the younger generation. I would love to be that kind of old lady. Wouldn’t you?

So despite my shame feelings and feelings of ridiculousness I am continuing to go to my rehab class with a hope and a dream to go further. I will be going today.