I got the phone call I have been waiting over a week for. Pulmonary rehab will be starting for me on February 26th. I am excited. I am looking forward to moving and breathing at the same time. I will be in rehabilitation for three months and then I can move on to something new. My hope, my dream is to get a swim suit and go to the YMCA and join their swim exercise class. I am not exactly sure what that will look like, but it is a goal I know I can reach.
I have been going through a lot of emotional meanderings the last couple of months. Accepting that I will not be what people consider healthy is a challenge for me. I have to change how I view and do things and it is not an easy task, but I am doing it. I have a tendency to isolate when I am feeling morose. But seeing how others I know who are chronically ill meet challenges and fight on does help me to keep the flame of hope alive inside of my soul.
In accepting that I am ill I have renewed my contract with my caseworker for a caregiver. I have had a caregiver for a year now and I do like having someone to help me achieve cleanliness in my apartment especially when I am having painful days. I will be going independent with my caregiver which will give him and me more freedom. Another element to add on is that I have discovered that there is a program that gives me gas vouchers for the rides I need for doctor appointments and this will aide me in getting to my appointments and not being depleted of the 60 miles a month I am allotted like I am now. I had a lot of appointments this month and my miles went quickly. I am glad that I got the information that I need. I will also be getting a shower chair and clamp grab bars to help me with my hygiene and so bathing will not be such a chore. I am sometimes overwhelmed with all the elements I have to consider when accomplishing anything even daily essentials like bathing, cooking, walking to the bathroom. Now that I have no gallbladder my body seems to run its course faster and it does not give me ample time to get where I need to get before it explodes. It is not fun. I have been working eating a lot more fiber and less fat, because my body cannot absorb fat like a person with a gallbladder, so that means I have to eat less of it and be careful of what types of fat I choose to eat. I do indulge in my cheese, but not as much as I used to. I am sad about that, and I have discovered that coconut oil is not that expensive and my body can handle it better.
All this has me thinking about what does healthy look like for me? I know I cannot rely anymore what others think healthy is and what it is for them. My body and their body are different. Only a few key elements are rudimental and that is drinking water and eating more vegetables and skipping the sugar. My goals for health are not to look sexy to attract a mate. My goals consist of being able to breathe, move, and live a full life. Simple right, not exactly my challenges are apparent. The reality is I will be living with a trach for a while. My body cannot absorb fat well. My body has fluctuations of inflammation, but the good news is I can manage it by eating better and drinking my 3 liters of water. Why is drinking water such a challenge for me?
I am facing my challenges, even if it is water consumption. I will be enjoying a four day getaway with some amazing friends. I will work on posting when I can.
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