I have had the tune “Getting To Know You” from the Yul Brenner’s movie “The King and I” with Maureen O’Hara from the late 50’s early 60’s stuck in my head.
I am getting to know my stomach again. I used to know my stomach well, but that all changed when I had my gallbladder removed last Tuesday. Before you read any further I am going to warn you that I am going to get graphic in descriptions and such, so if you have sensitivity to the subject matter of poop this post is not the one you should read right now. I will not write about poop tomorrow I promise.
Those of you brave enough to venture on I will go into detail about how my stomach has changed and why this song is fitting for this subject manner. My stomach has changed its timing in how often I poop. I am pooping more than once a day, sometimes even after each meal. I hear this is normal. One hour and 30 minutes after I have eaten my meal I am in the bathroom pooping it out. This is strange. I am the type of woman who goes once a day and I have never thought I had pooping issues before and now I am reconsidering this. Pooping more than once a day is refreshing and it seems to clear out all the toxic waste in my body and helps me have more energy. Though right now it is like meeting a stranger for the first time and giving them every gory detail of my personal life.
The second thing that has changed since my surgery is in the amount I am able to eat. I feel as though I have had gastric bypass surgery, but I didn’t. They just had to move my liver and other parts in order to get to my gallbladder. I am not complaining about the shrinkage. I am just noticing it and being mindful of the fact that it does not take me much to be full anymore. It will help me accomplish my goals for my journey of good health. My goals are to get my butt moving, which I am happy to say I will be heading to the Pulmonary Rehabilitation doctor to get set up for rehabilitation in getting my breathing and my body working together as one. I love this. I am excited about this. This will be good for me to get done and get going. I just had to change the appointment due to my gallbladder deciding it was time to get out so I can be healthy. I obliged my gallbladder the opportunity by listening and allowing the procedure to take place.
Small victories are being done as I am walking my path. I am learning that even though I feel as though I have been gutted like a fish that doesn’t mean that I am down for the count. I just need to rest. And resting is one of those things that I do not do well at all, but I am learning to. Small things often times win the big battle. I am not in any contest with anyone else in getting to the finish line. The finish line is death. I have already experienced death three times and living my life with love and appreciation for those around me and what I have now is more important than any material things in the world. When you die, you can’t take your hot car, or hot wife, or husband with you, or the house, or your hair or make up or dress with you. You die and all you want is the people who love and respect you around you and you want those people to know how they have impacted your life and that they have value to you.
My goals include taking care of my body fully and learning to love and respect those in my life. Yes, I am not rich, I don’t have a fancy car to drive, and I have to rely on a caregiver to do the hard chores in my home, but I do have a huge heart, a mind that works, and the ability to do what is right for me. I don’t have to show off. I guess that is why I shaved my hair off; I wanted people to know that I have no shame or guilt about being ill. I am still beautiful. My beauty isn’t on the outside where it is superficial and not real. I may not be moving at the pace or at the expectations of what others believe I should, but I am doing what I can with what I am given and that is all that is asked of me. I don’t have to answer to anyone about anything. I am happy that I am able to use my voice. Sometimes I am even able to be heard through the chaos of the endless thoughts out there about the materialistic minds of those around me. When I am walking around just not caring if I have the latest gadget in phone, or computer, and in competition with those around me I am viewed with astounding negative feedback. That does hurt me, but I am able to stand up against the assaults because I have been through far worse than that. My journey with my illness, my stomach, and all the 32 surgeries I have had to endure for the last three and a half years has taught me that I am stronger than I thought. I have the emotional, spiritual, and physical support that I need and that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. So, yes, I am getting to know that woman and the voice that is housed in this body. I happen to love who I am now and I am so thankful for those of you who read my blog, who are my friends on Facebook, and who are my family for the support and the hand holding every step that I have taken. I am still alive and kicking and chugging along.
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