“You cannot change anything in your life with intention alone, which can become a watered down, occasional hope that you’ll get to tomorrow. I intend to start exercising. I intend to get my desk in order; I intend to change my eating habits. Intention without discipline is useless. Personal transformations require the inner work of self-examination, contemplation, and prayer. You must learn to love the discipline of the interior life and all that it requires of you.” Caroline Myss
I have a deep seeded fear of change. It is so easy to stay stuck in a pattern of self-destruction and not do anything about it. The only thing that I do know about myself is that I am not ready to give up the fight for me, what does that tell you? I have to make another step forward to changing something else about my journey.
As I sat on my comfortable bed contemplating what I would like to see happen for 2013 and nope the Mayans were wrong the world did not end today. I have come to the conclusion that I have been living in fear of my disease and what I cannot do instead of what I can do. I am committing to changing my perspective on this. I am going to face my fears which are not being able to move and looking like an idiot and be judged by people in society, being too tired to cook, not being good enough to write, and my biggest fear the UNKNOWN. I have come too far to let these fears get in the way of my success.
Here is what I did to break me out of my mold I looked up information on swimming for the YMCA here in Vancouver so that I can move despite my trach issues. I enjoyed swimming at the YMCA when I lived in Longview. I am doing the Q-gong DVD workout DVD that my fabulous sister Carri gave me and guess what she got inspired to start working out with her set of Q-gong DVD’s. One of the biggest blessings in my life is that I have a great support team that cheers me on when I take on an endeavor of good health and they do not bombard me with are you doing this or that, because that shuts me off quicker than anything. They listen, they offer their own successes, and they are on the same path of being healthy in all manners of life like I am.
As for food, well I have to admit that I have not been so committed to this aspect of my health journey. I get sidetracked with pain and convenience and let’s face it cooking up healthy means is a lot of work and when I am in a bout with pain or extreme exhaustion the woman who loves to cook doesn’t want to. I found a couple of great recipe books for the crockpot that I read and have great ideas for and trusting my caregiver to aide me in the kitchen to cook them up will be my next big step. I am an independent woman and it is hard to relinquish control over my domain. Any woman will know this, because we are all the same we have our own routines and how to manage the kitchen and household and we don’t want anyone else to be in charge and change things up. Well, I have to accept that I have to let it go and let someone else do the work for now. I can do some of it, but not everything. I am no superwoman or wonder woman.
I am happy to say that in my fridge right now I have some amazing super food vegetables and food in my fridge to aide my body. I have mushrooms (yummy), fresh green beans, broccoli, carrots, celery, onions, tomatoes, spinach, lentils, red beans, kidney beans, Dave’s killer bread, apples, oranges, sweet potato, red potato, elephant garlic, brown/black rice all ready for me to cook up and digest to aide my body in her quest for being well.
I am facing my fear, I am taking one step at a time, I am not going to let anyone else dictate to me what I can or cannot do with my body. If I can face the beast of larnyspasms, broken thorax, and learning to walk, talk, and swallow again then I can face the best of movement and food.
What are your fears about getting healthy?
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