Another step towards my healing I am wearing a turquoise blue heart monitor. The reason you may be wondering is because when I had my chemo treatment on November 13th, 2012 a month ago to be exact. I started having heart palpitations and went to the ER. I remember that day, I still have the bright red mark on my left arm where my vein exploded from the contrast dye they were injecting into my arm. They sent me to a Cardiologist in order to get my heart checked out due to the fact that my birth mom died at age 47 from a tumor in her heart. That is nine years older than I am now. That scares me. I am nervous. I do not need any more problems. I have enough.

I am working on my fears. I have many. This is what I do know. One, I am fighting for me which means I will face any challenge that I am faced with no matter how scary, debilitating, disgusting, or painful it is. I will face it. Two, Jesus is there fighting alongside me supporting me every step that I take towards my healing. And three, I have the support of my family and friends and I am valued and loved by them.

Even though I know all three of these things I am still processing through my emotional baggage. In my past I have not taken great care of myself, is it too late? Or can I start now in all manners of my life and become healthy enough to live my assignment? Those are my questions. I have to work hard to be the optimistic lady I am today. I have my moments of pessimistic thoughts, especially what is the use? Why keep fighting? Especially when new challenges arise that seem to fly out of nowhere, but if I look on my three in half year journey I can say a few things. One I am further along than I was at the beginning. Two, I know how strong, capable, resilient, and who will stand and support me and who will not. And three, I always have a choice no matter how bleak the outcome is. I always have a choice in how I am going to react and what my action will be. I am choosing at this moment to fight on, no matter how dreary the outcome. I am confident that I have all the support I need to get me through it.