Mustard Seed Faith!

“And the Lord answered. If you had faith (trust and confidence in God) even (so small) like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree. Be pulled up by the roots, and be planted in the sea, and it would obey you.” Luke 17:6

Faith, what is that? That is my question for you today. It is something I am focusing on, simply because faith is a requirement. Faith by definition according to my Webster Unabridged dictionary circa 1983 “complete trust, confidence, or reliance in God, an unquestioning belief”, I will admit having complete trust, confidence, and reliance on God is a huge challenge for me. I struggle with this daily. I wish I could be like those women and men I see who know beyond a doubt their assignment and knows exactly each stepping stone God has placed in front of them. Right now, to be honest, I do not see the stepping stones. What I do see is a pathetic woman who struggles daily to breathe or when she is breathing is too scared to move in fear she won’t be able to breathe. Does that sound like I have faith in God and I rely on him?

Thankfully Jesus said that I only have to have a small faith, the size of a mustard seed. Have you ever seen a mustard seed? They are tiny. So small, and you know what I do have faith that tiny. I wish it was bigger, more like the whole entire universe, but I am not that blessed. Who knows I might just get there? Since I know that my trust, relationship with Jesus is hinged on false prophets, teachers, illusions presented by family and friends, I made a decision 13 days ago to start at the root. Where is that root you may ask? I have decided to read the bible and what it says about Jesus. I have not gotten too far, restoring relationships is not a fast act type of thing you do. It is a slow, steady process that requires time. Believe me I have a ton of time. I do believe in Jesus, I have felt him many, many times throughout this journey of mine. So yes, I have faith the size of a mustard seed, which means I can dig up the roots because Jesus gave me the power to do so. Digging up my roots doesn’t mean the tree or weeds. I know I can dig up the roots of a tree. One summer day my friend Summer had a big tree growing a long side her house that was causing foundation issues. What did I do? I got my shovel and my muscles and I dug that sucker up with the amusement of the man across the street and the awe of Summer and her mom. I have always been a strong, rooted lady, now I am not. I feel like a weakling. My faith at that time was in my own strength and believe me I was a strong woman. Now that I am ill, my faith, my strength is not my own. I have been given a gift of strength of being alone with myself, dealing with challenging doctors who often times see me as too much of a challenge and not worth the fight, or people who do not want to be around me and see me more as a boring old woman who cannot do anything fun anymore like I used to. People’s illusion of what an ill person is capable of is not reality. I do have my sense of humor and I may not be able to run amok like I used to, I still know how to have fun. They are simply missing out on the best years of my life…

My faith in God is not built anymore on what others believe, think, opinions, views, or even the fact that I differ in these things they do. My experience with God and faith is my own personal one. I happen to believe that each person is responsible, and am in a deeply personal relationship with God/Jesus and I cannot nor should anyone else dictate what that looks, feels, or how deeply rooted in love it is in. As long as we all believe in the one requirement, that Jesus died for me and all I have to do is accept him, then what does it matter about the politics? Jesus after all showed His love, devotion, sacrifice, and compassion to us all, even the whores, Pharisees, tax collectors, and those with disabilities such as leprosy.

I have faith that Jesus has a purpose for me in my disability, in my illness, and I will be led by Him to whomever I need to shine upon.

What does your relationship with Jesus look, feel, and sound like? Is it rooted in a firm foundation or in the foundation of others? What roots in your life do you need to rip out?