I am in a reflective mood, it probably stems from the fact that this is the last day of 2011. 2011 I have learned a lot about myself. One, thing is that I am not a patient woman. I move fast, I want to get it done. Two, I finally have a name of what has been ailing me, limited Wegener’s. Three, I have finally made the decision to continue my education despite all the obstacles that have befallen on me. Four, that I do have a great network of family, friends, and doctors who do care, who do want me to succeed, who are REAL, who love even when I am beaten to a bloody pulp and living with a trachea. I know I am in a mushy spirit. 5, I have a marvelous furry friend, Nicholas who loves me even when I have gross mucus coming out of my thorat and sound like I am hissing when I am talking.
What I have learned in 2011, that I am loved. God, Jesus, has been with me every step of the way through out these 2 ½ years and he will continue to do so during 2012. I learned, I need to look lovingly after myself, so that I am on my way to healing not only my emotions, spirit, but also being able to manage my physical health. I am valuable. I had several joyful experiences, after I made up my mind that school is the best thing for me and I started on September 2011 and I got a 3.5 GPA for my first quarter, and that I am finally free to pursue my goals. I learned that setting goals for myself, and setting them doesn’t always mean they are going to happen, but if I just live my life willy nilly without some resemblance of a plan than I am not in the right frame of mind. I do not far well without having something to go towards. I have lived my entire life pleasing and making other people’s dreams and goals come true and ended up where they used me for that purpose and then drop kick me to the curb and I don’t like that feeling at all. I am aiming that 2012 will be the year I will strive towards my goal and go back to the balance. Saying this, I do not intend to turn into a selfish, narcissistic woman, my goal is to bring things to a balance. Another blessing this year is for the first time ever, I got to not only pick out my own clothes, but I also got to buy themselves. I had a joyful time sharing this experience with my good friend Summer and we bonded. I got several blouses, pants, a wonderful pair of pjs, and shoes, every woman’s dream. I also finally purchased my long time dream camera and a tri-pod to mount the camera on and to encourage me to learn more about how to take photos. I am using this camera to document and share my journey with others.
So to summarize, my goals for 2012 is to continue down my path of health and wellness, with my doctors and fixing my throat. I am not sure what the exact plan is, but in January I will be seeing a pulmanalogist and I am going back to the surgeon at the University of Washington to see what their plan of action is to fix and deal with my throat and what that will look like and entail. I am learning to deal with and accept myself as I am with trachea and all. Learning to be patient and loving towards myself, walking slowly, slowing down and looking after my own self and not concentrate on others. And to continue on with eating well, and getting the rest of the 150 pounds off my body so that healing will be met. And of course, continue on with my education, so I can be the best therapist!
That is my plan!
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