Process Of Cleaning

I am learning a new meaning to taking care of myself through cleaning my trachea and my wounds from my battle. The picture above is a shot of the cleaning supplies that I need each morning to wipe away the goop and grossness that exudes from my hole. The packet contains 2 containers, one for a solution of 50 percent peroxide and 50 percent saline water and the other for saline water. The one for saline water, I let my candala insert soak in to get all the goop out of it and to keep it clean and clear so that I can breathe and talk. Then there are rubber gloves, several brushes, and several long q-tips so that I can clean around my trachea area and my trachea tube. Like I said it is a long process, keeping it clean aides me in my quest for being healthy, so I do it.

All laid out, waiting for me to get started on the cleaning process. I am learning to take care of myself in all manners of my life and this is one of the ways. Yes, my trachea is scary, but I am capable of keeping it clean, take care of it, and keep myself healthy.

The Candala insert from my trachea tube that I must keep clean. I have to clean it out several times a day, since goop/debris can get stuck so that I am unable to breathe.

Here I am putting the Candala back in after it’s soak and cleaning out of the debris/goop. Strangely, it is getting easier and easier to take this instrument out and not be so freaked out about it. At first, I was petrified about taking it out, after some practice and time, it is now easier.

All clean, ready for my day to get started. It takes me about 30 minutes just to prep, clean, and insert my trachea. Like I said, I am learning to take care of my body. I genuinely do not do a lot of maintenance of my body, because I never cared before. This journey is teaching me that I in actuality do care a lot about myself, otherwise, why wouldn’t I keep my trachea clean, why would I fight so hard to be here, when I could just as easily so screw this and lay down and die.
I am finding that taking care of myself isn’t just about the physical aspects, it is also about the spiritual, emotional, and social aspects as well. While in the hospital, I did contemplate whether or not school would be a good thing at this point, but then I just as quickly thought I need to go, it gives me the hope that I need to carry on and go towards my goal. This whole fiasco has taught me a lot about what fortitude, endurance, patience, love, and strength entails, it isn’t this macho, grunting I can lift 700 pounds type of thing, it is about facing the dark sides of life, I mean all dark sides of ones life head on and being transparent about how I am feeling, what I am doing, what I am most afraid of, and not sweeping it under the carpet. It is about accepting nurture and help from others and learning that I am worth that extra support and that I can still be a nurturer and still be nurtured at the same time. I am so thankful to every person on my TEAM, from all the doctors, my loving and supportive family, my close friends, and my face book family/community. I am able to stand here courageous and keep fighting because of the support. Thank you! I am sending out a huge virtual hug to everyone.